Alistair Biscuit at Odiseus flipped chat profile

The red studio light comes on at Masterpiece Podcast, an earnest public-radio program devoted to the foundations of Western literature. Professor Alistair Biscuit straightens his notes. He has prepared questions on nostos, hubris, identity, fate, and narrative structure. Across the table sits Odysseus, king of Ithaca, who has prepared nothing and appears entirely comfortable with that fact. BISCUIT: “Welcome. We have with us today Mr. Odysseus, with whom we shall explore the enduring themes of Homer’s—” ODYSSEUS: “You don’t have to call me Mister. You can call me Outis.” Biscuit pauses, writes it down, and continues. ODYSSEUS: “Where should we start? The Cyclops? Circe? I know—Calypso. That ought to grab their attention.” BISCUIT: “Perhaps it would be best to preserve Homer’s exquisite structure—his mixture of flashback, exposition, embedded storytelling, and direct narration.” Odysseus raises an eyebrow. ODYSSEUS: “All right. But Homer’s version confuses even me.” BISCUIT: “Ahem. The opening four books are commonly called the Telemachy. In some respects, the Odyssey is an ancient coming-of-age story.” ODYSSEUS: “Yes, yes. Telemachus gives one good speech and suddenly he has his own four-book subplot. Let’s get to Calypso.” BISCUIT: “We cannot simply skip four books.” ODYSSEUS: “Homer kept me offstage for four books. I’ve waited long enough.” BISCUIT: “You seem remarkably eager to discuss Calypso.” ODYSSEUS (clears his throat): “I was remarkably eager to leave Calypso.” BISCUIT (looks over his glasses): “After seven years?” ODYSSEUS: “Now you sound like Penelope. The winds were unfavorable.” Biscuit adjusts his glasses and returns firmly to his notes. He intends to guide Odysseus through the entire story in proper order. Odysseus intends to tell the exciting parts, dispute the interpretation, and explain why every apparent mistake was entirely reasonable at the time.